You don’t have to like cats or the pattern style of argyle (one ‘l’) to like this spy spoof, “Argylle” (with two “l”s). Directed by Matthew Vaughn and written by Jason Fuchs (“Wonder Woman” and “I Still See You”), this film exists in a shared universe with the Kingsman franchise but centers around Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard), an introverted cat-loving author of a spy series about a master spy named Aubrey Argylle (Henry Cavill). In this review, I won’t let the cat out of the bag but cat lovers rest assured: No cats die, but plenty of people do.  Just remember: “The greater the spy, the bigger the lie.”

 

Elly doesn’t get out much except to promote her books. Her reading at bookstores attracts a good crowd and she gets some intriguing questions. Back at home, having finished her fifth Argylle book, she’s living a comfortable life with her cat Alfie (Chip), her only hot date in the last five years. Her mother Ruth (Catherine O’Hara) wishes her daughter got out more, and on the literary side, feels the ending of this latest tome needs some work.

Ruth: “The book is phenomenal, sweetie, but what happens next?”

Elly: “It’s called a cliffhanger, mother.”

Ruth: “Elly, it’s called a cop out.”

Elly decides to hop on a train to visit mom for more editorial advice, but the train is filled with real spies, including a long-haired bearded fan named Aidan (Sam Rockwell) who claims he is there to protect her.

Aidan: “Oh, my God. You’re Elly freaking Conway. I am such a fan!”

Elly: “Oh, yeah? What is it you do?”

Aidan: “Espionage.”

At this point, you might be thinking this is a “Romancing the Stone” clone. It just pretends to be that at first.

Elly doesn’t always separate her real life from her espionage imaginings. During the fight between Aidan and the various spies, she sees Aidan transform into Aubrey and back. Aidan tells her that her novels seem based on real events and this fifth book could predict the future. That’s what makes her a valuable and vulnerable asset.

What follows is a plot as convoluted as one would expect from the Kingsman universe. It is sometimes complicated by the cat and the real possibility that Elly is destined to be a cat lady.

Aidan: “Had to bring the cat.”

Elly: “What did you expect me to do? Leave him to fend for himself?”

Aidan: “He’d be fine. Cat ladies always die alone and cats figure it out.”

Elly: “I am not a cat lady. I’m not, and what’s your problem with my cat exactly? He’s really cute. He’s cuddly. He’s loyal. He’s kind.”

Aidan: “Oh, please. You suddenly drop dead and that cat’s chewing your ears off within 48 hours max.”

Aidan is also allergic to cats.

Elly isn’t sure who to trust and, at times, gets gives herself a pep talk as Aubrey. Looking in the mirror, sometimes she sees Henry Cavill’s Aubrey reflected back.  In her fifth book, everyone is after the Masterkey and in her real life, this computerized key will either expose the spymaster (Bryan Cranston) or bring rogue outside elements within a governmental agency down. There won’t be a lot of fur-flying nor will there be a cat fights (although Alfie will have his cat-clawing climatic moment), but there will be some sparring between Elly and Aidan along the way and dance scenes that made me laugh.

While the slender Dua Lipa plays the fictional spy LaGrange to Cavill’s Aubrey and John Cena’s Wyatt, Aubrey’s best bud and spy partner, it’s nice to have a sturdy girl like Howard playing a heroine. Howard gets to let loose both her seriously sexy side as well as her comedic chops. I loved the editing in the train fight scene (fight choreographed by Guillermo Grispo) as well as the non-traditional couple dancing (choreography by Ashley Fallen) between Howard’s Elly and Rockwell’s Aidan.

Having Cavill who played the suave spy Napoleon Solo (to Armie Hammer’s Illya Kuryakin) be described as too noticeable to be a good spy gets us into meta-meta land.

For diversity, there’s the supporting players: Algerian actress Sofia Boutella as The Keeper, Afro-Latina Ariana DeBose as part of Aubrey’s crew, O’Hara as Ruth and Samuel L. Jackson as former CIA deputy director Alfred Solomon who may or may not be a traitor. The 69-year-old O’Hara gets a particularly juicy scene. 

For the press screening, we dressed in argyle and as part of the promotion, we received t-shirts and a deck of card. My husband and I had a lot of fun, even though he doesn’t like cats or ice skating. For full disclosure, some day soon we might appear at a comic convention as Elly and Aidan (without letting a cat in or out of the bag). So don some argyle, but leave your cat at home and see if this Aidan can save Elly from a cat lady future.

“Argylle” premiered at the Odeon Luxe Leicester Square in London on 24 January 2024 and was released by Universal Pictures and Apple Original Films in the UK  on 1 February 2024 and in the US on 2 February 2024. Stay for the credits to see a mid-credit scene about the real Aubrey Argylle.